A Chaotic sense of order

via Daily Prompt: Chaotic

Its not as chilly as expected today… wow, look at the pile of leaves on the sidewalk… i guess fall is… looks like it might rain… hope there is not much work today when i get to… woah, why is that guy honking so much and driving like crazy…  why isn’t anybody messaging today… what camera should i buy… i sucked at badminton last week, what was i doing… what is…

Too random to make sense, isn’t it!!! well, thats how my brain works. it is a mess. One random thought at a time. sometimes, don’t even get to finish the chain of thought. Well, in a sense, i suppose thats how the brain on most of us works. it just wanders about switching topics in almost seconds. No wonder it’s ways are compared to the monkey leaping onto tree branches at random whims and fancies.

Recognising the pattern in the chaos is the challenge i suppose. or should i say making sense of the chaos and bringing order. Easier said than done, you say. couldn’t agree more. I’ve been staring at the blinking cursor for the past 5 minutes, and hardly have a cogent thought to put down. Hardly a surprise, i’d say though.

my brain is certainly no pre-defined meeting agenda or a post meeting minutes. it cannot think in bullet points unless told to do so. the random thoughts bombarding my brain are what make a world of possibilities inside my head a distinct likelihood. and the process of collating them and organising them is the challenge. thats what makes the writing process interesting.

any process, for that matter. how boring would it be to imagine the brain coming up with organised thoughts for a situation in life to which you seek a potential solution!!! or would it? may be for some people. Running low on battery.. whats that smell… would have been good if i had landed in Dubai during the day so it would’ve been fun to gaze through the window…

there it goes again… 🙂

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The mask underneath!!! or over!!!

via Daily Prompt: Pretend

What kind of a person are you when no one is watching; wondered the guy, looking at the faces in the masquerade ball.


Published as a two-line story prompt.

The sound of silence


There I was sitting quietly, lost in thoughts. Surrounded by hundreds of people, yet aloof in a way. Random thoughts swirling in my head like things tossed around in a mid-west tornado. People talking, dancing, music playing in the background. Yet everything felt quiet. It sometimes feels like I just shut out the external world and go deep into my own.

I sometimes wonder, sitting amidst all that chaos, how my mind even does that. One moment I’m sitting there, listening to people talking around me, and then the next it’s all switched off and I’m in my head. It feels like a completely different place. It’s like changing channels on a television set. It’s like switching from watching a channel playing a crappy soap opera to an orchestra playing heavenly music. It feels good. It feels serene. 

I guess some people can just do that at will. It works out well for people like me who tend to be a little towards the introvert side of the spectrum. We cannot process too much information at a time. We need our space. Input tends to become information overload very quickly.

Silence tends to become the best friend. I tend to stare blankly,  sometimes, at nothing in particular. Not necessarily contemplating anything specific, but just staring. I don’t know if many people can relate to that kind of an act. I mean how do explain staring at a wall thinking about nothing. i’m sure it will sound crazy if you try to explain it to somebody. 😀 But then the mind works in crazy ways.


But for me, most of the time, silence is so much more tranquil and soothing in a way. Of course there is music that does that too. 🙂  Silence is soothing, ok got it. but whats with the sound of silence in the title, you ask!!! Well, its like they say for heat, coldness is just lack of heat. Its the same with silence.

Have you ever heard rainfall pounding on a tin roof, from under the roof? And then all of a sudden, the rain stops. Silence, so much so that you can hear your breathe all of a sudden. Thats what it feels like to switch off. Thats what it feels like to sit quietly, lost in thoughts.

Edited in response to the daily prompt as a first attempt – Silence

Learning to un

What was I thinking, trying to learn something I don’t know!!! Why is it so hard? You are probably thinking, here he goes questioning again. 🙂 Well, I’m trying to get my head around going about learning one of the hundreds of thousands of things I don’t know about.

What does it entail, trying to learn something new; something which you haven’t done before or something that you don’t understand much about. Developing an interest in the subject, comes to mind first. And then you figure out ways to delve deeper into the subject depending on the interest level and accessibility of resources.

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Unlearn

Well, accessibility of resources is not much of an excuse these days as everything is available at your fingertips, if you pretty much have the inclination.

But what if you have to learn to unlearn what you already know before actually trying to learn what you want to know!!! Isn’t that some thought!  🙂

How would go about doing that? I mean if learning is difficult, I can only imagine unlearning might be worse. You possibly could not erase what’s in your memory as easily as you would erase data from a memory disk drive. If the brain were that simple, we would’ve actually understood by now, how the brain works. 🙂

What do YOU think about that then???

This is the 3rd prompt for the daily blog challenge, although at this point it feels like write-whenever-you-feel-like-challenge. 🙂 The topic was given by my sis for a single word prompt: Unlearn.

You talking to me ???

“In difficult times, use a mirror. You will see both the cause and resolution.”

I just stood there staring into the eyes. That dark circular abyss, seemed to spiral on and on deeper into something unknown. There was something hypnotizing about them. What were they trying to say? Where were they leading to?

I wonder how the world looks like through those eyes. What do those eyes make of the chaos that goes on, on the other side. May be they just see and don’t process anything of it. But what good would that be.

I sometimes can’t stop myself from pondering over the thought of the possible depths those eyes could lead you to. What would you be able find as you delve deeper. What mysteries are waiting to be uncovered. What questions waiting to be answered. Or better yet, what questions are waiting to be questioned.

But then again am i listening hard enough to know what questions those eyes are asking, is another thing i muse on about. Quietly observing and questioning everything i do, or don’t do. Looking at the world with dismay, wondering where the world is heading to. at the same time, looking on with hope towards better times.

And then i blink and it hits me, have I been talking to the world or am i just staring into the mirror !!!

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reflection on window

This post is a result of a prompt from my dear sis for a 30 day daily blog challenge. Day 1 of the same is “Mirror, Mirror: What if your mirror started talking to you?”.

The conversation

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“Hi”

“Hello”

“Boy, have you put on weight !!!”

“Well, what did you expect? It’s not that bad, you know”

“Yeah, not that bad i suppose, but look at me. 🙂 ”

“Don’t flatter yourself. If anything, u look skinny. ”

“Ok ok. You’ve been traveling!!! ”

“Yeh a bit. Kind of like it. Lots of things to see out there. ”

“I know. Must be fun. Work treating you well? ”

“It’s fine. Not exactly what I planned on doing. But no regrets. ”

“Hmmm. What are you into?”

“Oh the usual IT crap. Nothing too exciting. ”

“Can’t believe you are into IT man. Thought you didn’t like it and didn’t want to go in there!!! ”

“Still don’t. ”

“Hmmm. ”

“So what are YOU into? ”

“Don’t you know already ? 😉 ”

“:-) so where do you think you are heading ? ”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, in life. Where do you think you are heading? ”

“Do I look like i think so far ahead man. I don’t know where I’m going this evening. 😛 ”

“Ha ha. Should’ve known better. But seriously shouldn’t you be thinking where you are heading ? Think it’s time ”

“I don’t know man. I do reflect back. But thinking and planning ahead. I doubt I’m that kind of person. Just taking things as they come along I suppose. ”

“Well i guess that’s another way to go about it. ”

“Sometimes you wish you could see what’s coming. You wish you could have your memories flowing backwards. ”

“Memories flowing backwards eh!!! Don’t know how that will help. ”

“Yeh it’s like you are living your life looking back into your memories now. ”

“Like a rower rowing, facing backwards. He can see what he’s passing, not what’s coming. ”

“Exactly. In a sense, the boat is always steered by your younger self as you move into the future. ”

“Well that’s the beauty of it. You are never going to be wiser today, than what you can be, tomorrow. So you can reflect and learn. ”

“Why can’t I just learn and look forward is my point. ”

“Well, may be you can build something once you get there. ”

“Aha, if I had that I’d have the memory of me building it already in my head. That’s precisely my point. ”

“Keep thinking. You might hit it, Bro. ”

“I will 🙂 “

???

Questions… The only way you can really tell that you are still human and alive.

What am I doing here??? Where am I heading??? What makes me ME??? Why didn’t I go about doing that??? Why did I do that??? Why didn’t I read that book or article instead of wiling away my time on the Internet again???

So many questions and the only way to find answers is to keep repeating them!!! Well, if you don’t repeat the questions, your mind just conjures up so many more that you literally can’t keep track of; let alone find answers to.

You replace every single cell in your body entirely in the span of 7 years. Every single one of it. Which means you literally are not the same person you were 7 years ago. So what are you then? Or rather, who ???

It’s the simplest of questions really. Who am I ? And yet most us don’t have a damn clue. If you can answer to that question though, you probably are not fit to be on this godforsaken heap of a planet. What’s left to do if you found the answer to that anyway. 😉

So till the time, Keep questioning !!! Until you get sick of the questions and move your a** to find some answers.

Here’s a couple to “begin” with ; how did I end up here ? And why am I reading this ??? 😉

That half read book !!!

One night, I found myself staring at the ceiling fan in my room, with a half read book in my hand. The book, probably a science book I picked up to read, was just sitting there open on my lap, while my mind wandered aimlessly. After a while, just like that, the book goes back on the shelf and I return to staring at the fan.
It’s been this way more often than not lately. A quite afternoon to myself with a book was something I used to cherish very much. But, gradually over the past, I seem to have lost the inclination to pick up a book and sustain an afternoon with it.
Back in the day, the book used to be my companion on most afternoons. I had this spot in my grandparent’s house, when i used to visit them during my summer holidays, when I was a kid. Sort of a seat along the stairs, running to the first floor beside the window. The view from the window was always cheerful. 🙂
The bright afternoon sun, Grandpa’s garden trees on one side, overlooking the main gate and the path leading to it, with the constant chattering of the elementary school kids from next door.
I used to run upstairs after lunch to browse through the shelves of books on the first floor, mostly academic books belonging to my cousins who stayed there and some older ones from my father’s college days, I think. I would get so excited at the thought of rummaging through the books all afternoon. 😀 The comic books I started reading those days, Phantom, Tintin, Amar Chitra Katha, Chacha Chowdhry and lot more, still remain close to my heart.
The first day I reach my grandparents home, after the initial excitement and euphoria of meeting relatives and cousins mellows down a bit, the afternoon would fly by sorting out the books, trying to find whatever interesting books I can. 🙂 After that I would stack up everything on one side of the shelf. That would be my collection for the rest of the summer season, till I head back home !!! 😀
I still find myself smiling, thinking about those memories !!! 🙂 Now, I can’t help thinking, where has all that excitement and enthusiasm for a book gone !!! How can I be missing so much of positive feelings that I once had with books ??? May be I am missing that spot !!! May be I need to find myself another such spot to rekindle the Fervor !!!
Do you ever get the feeling that you sometimes associate certain activities with the place you used to do it from. You know, that you are so used to performing an activity from a set place of yours that subconsciously you don’t think about that particular activity unless you are at that place or think about that place ??? The Zone. I’ve felt that way. Quite often in fact.
Hmmm !!! Now that I’ve said that, I think I should start looking out for a park bench under the shade or a spot to lie down by the beach to finish the remaining half of the book. 🙂 And hopefully, one that can keep me going back to it, like i used to !!! 🙂

Breaking Bad… Habits that is!!!

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“First you make the habits, and then the habits make you” – scratching my head trying to remember where I read this; not easy to remember the good things is it!!! Sometimes makes me wonder, what is it that pulls our minds towards un-wanted things in life. Things that don’t add any value to our life as a whole, the minuscule things so to speak; I mean in the overall scheme of things what is a couple more hours of sleep, for instance. 😉

My brain seems to be hard wired to incline towards things that give me fleeting happiness rather than something that adds meaning to it. Let me sleep a while longer, what will I do after getting up anyway; I can start exercising from tomorrow, today’s not d day, I don’t feel right; I got to start reading books… from tomorrow for sure. And it goes on and on, beginning with the big things and before i know it I’m doing that for everything.

From trying to get myself going to the gym everyday (read start), to trying to learn something new, or even doing something that I used to like and do a while ago but have not been in touch with for a while. Even though a part of my brain tries ever so hard to get me back on track, the other one, the one with horns and a trident, just seems to crash in and spoil everything in seconds. And most often I don’t recover from that, as a matter of fact, these days, I never do. Hmmm… Probably explains the days on end I’m taking for this little blog…

I mean what’s wrong with this guy with the devilish attitude??? Why does he keep poking when I want to do something meaningful with my time and keep filling it with sleep and laziness. Surely he must have better things to do than this, or does he!!!

But then there is this other guy as well. Yeh, the one with the wings and ring on top of his head. That one. Poor fellow. Gets ignored most of the time, no matter how hard he tries to straighten me up and get me to prioritize things right.

What is with sleep and laziness that makes me want more of it rather than get my lazy ass up and do something worthwhile. Hmmm… Is it a matter of thinking how good, or how bad, I’m going to be at a certain thing that puts me off??? Is it a matter of interest??? Is it a matter of getting the tools needed for the activity??? Is it about finding the ambience? The right atmosphere??? I mean surely there must be things I find interesting and would love to spend time working on.

Come to think of it, there are lots of things I find interesting and worthwhile spending time on. Sports, for instance. You won’t find me getting up early in the morning for an exam, but I can bet I’ll be the first one to the playing ground at 5 AM ready to play. 😉 reading is something I used to rather enjoy and have completely lost touch with.Can’t sit and concentrate even for 5 minutes at a stretch before my mind starts to wander off. Tried a few times lately to read books I used to find amusing, but nope. I’ll sit on end for FIFA but not books. 😉

Doodling away with my pencil was another pass time that was difficult to take away from me. But now… D pencil just gathers dust. Again comes down to concentration I guess. No concentration + no patience = no drawings 😦 heck, no nothing. 😀 the thought of connecting back with these long lost loves of my life, surfaces from time to time, but as though tied to stones sink quite as fast too.

It’s like the mind knows that I’m not doing anything good whiling away precious time like this, but the body stays in it’s own world and does not even care to listen. Wat r u doing lying on bed like dis??? Let’s finish the drawing we started… Oh don’t listen to him. Stay… There’s plenty of time… Damn…