“First you make the habits, and then the habits make you” – scratching my head trying to remember where I read this; not easy to remember the good things is it!!! Sometimes makes me wonder, what is it that pulls our minds towards un-wanted things in life. Things that don’t add any value to our life as a whole, the minuscule things so to speak; I mean in the overall scheme of things what is a couple more hours of sleep, for instance. 😉
My brain seems to be hard wired to incline towards things that give me fleeting happiness rather than something that adds meaning to it. Let me sleep a while longer, what will I do after getting up anyway; I can start exercising from tomorrow, today’s not d day, I don’t feel right; I got to start reading books… from tomorrow for sure. And it goes on and on, beginning with the big things and before i know it I’m doing that for everything.
From trying to get myself going to the gym everyday (read start), to trying to learn something new, or even doing something that I used to like and do a while ago but have not been in touch with for a while. Even though a part of my brain tries ever so hard to get me back on track, the other one, the one with horns and a trident, just seems to crash in and spoil everything in seconds. And most often I don’t recover from that, as a matter of fact, these days, I never do. Hmmm… Probably explains the days on end I’m taking for this little blog…
I mean what’s wrong with this guy with the devilish attitude??? Why does he keep poking when I want to do something meaningful with my time and keep filling it with sleep and laziness. Surely he must have better things to do than this, or does he!!!
But then there is this other guy as well. Yeh, the one with the wings and ring on top of his head. That one. Poor fellow. Gets ignored most of the time, no matter how hard he tries to straighten me up and get me to prioritize things right.
What is with sleep and laziness that makes me want more of it rather than get my lazy ass up and do something worthwhile. Hmmm… Is it a matter of thinking how good, or how bad, I’m going to be at a certain thing that puts me off??? Is it a matter of interest??? Is it a matter of getting the tools needed for the activity??? Is it about finding the ambience? The right atmosphere??? I mean surely there must be things I find interesting and would love to spend time working on.
Come to think of it, there are lots of things I find interesting and worthwhile spending time on. Sports, for instance. You won’t find me getting up early in the morning for an exam, but I can bet I’ll be the first one to the playing ground at 5 AM ready to play. 😉 reading is something I used to rather enjoy and have completely lost touch with.Can’t sit and concentrate even for 5 minutes at a stretch before my mind starts to wander off. Tried a few times lately to read books I used to find amusing, but nope. I’ll sit on end for FIFA but not books. 😉
Doodling away with my pencil was another pass time that was difficult to take away from me. But now… D pencil just gathers dust. Again comes down to concentration I guess. No concentration + no patience = no drawings 😦 heck, no nothing. 😀 the thought of connecting back with these long lost loves of my life, surfaces from time to time, but as though tied to stones sink quite as fast too.
It’s like the mind knows that I’m not doing anything good whiling away precious time like this, but the body stays in it’s own world and does not even care to listen. Wat r u doing lying on bed like dis??? Let’s finish the drawing we started… Oh don’t listen to him. Stay… There’s plenty of time… Damn…